DearBlankPleaseBlank.com

Dear Sesame Street,
Please go back to the way you were, when oscar lived in a trash can not a recycling bin, Vegetable monster was Cookie monster, and Bert and Ernie were still on the show because everyone thought they were brothers.
Sincerely, Sick of political correctness.

Dear dentists,

If they make flavored latex condoms they should make flavored latex gloves.

Sincerely, just saying...

Dear teenage boys,

Your minds have overstayed their welcome here.

Sincerely, the gutter.

Dear Syrup,

I like it when you're on top.

Sincerely, Ice Cream.

Dear teenage boys,

I'm making you fight for them.

Sincerely, bra clasps.

Dear Goldilocks,

We don't remember asking for your opinion.

Sincerely, The Three Bears.

Dear men everywhere,

No matter how drunk you are, the world is not your bathroom.

Sincerely, didn't need to see that.

Dear senior citizens,

Please stop acting like you weren't exactly like us fifty years ago.

Sincerely, 'hoodlums'.

Dear Captain Hook,

What was your name before you lost your hand?

Sincerely, A Very Lost Boy.

Dear spare change,

OM NOM NOM.

Sincerely, the couch.

Dear Ninjas,

Let us know when you have Johnny Depp on your side.

Sincerely, Pirates.

Dear Money,

Marco...

Sincerely, A Desperate College Student.

Dear People Who Write on the Bathroom Stall,

I don't care who you 'heart.'

Sincerely, Just Tryin to Pee.

Dear teenage couple on the subway,

Please wait until the zombie apocalypse to start eating each other's faces off.

Sincerely, little kid sitting next to you.

Dear Mario,

Yea, it's every princess's dream to be rescued by a fat plumber with a pedostache.

Sincerely, Princess Peach.

Dear bed,

Every time I leave you, I die a little inside.

Sincerely, nights aren't long enough.

Dear Automatic Light Sensor,

I'M STILL HERE!

Sincerely, Sitting in the Dark.

Dear girl with too much makeup on,

Were you gang banged by a box of crayons?

Sincerely, I have no words.