Angry girl shouting to her boyfriend hysterically: I can't believe you're ditching me, you will never, never, never find a girl like me in your entire fucking life again!
Boyfriend: That is the point.
(Home Security | Kansas City, MO, USA)
Me: “Thank you for calling [security services].”
Customer: “My keypad keeps beeping and saying low battery. What does that mean?”
(I run through some basic troubleshooting. After about 10 minutes, we still can’t find the problem.)
Me: “Well, sir, I'm not exactly sure why your system is doing this. I'll be happy to send a technician out there for you.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?”
Me: “Yes, sir. That is really bad. Do you want me to call the fire department?”
Customer: “Oh, no. I don't think that's necessary, do you?”
Me: “Well, the fire may spread up the wall if it doesn't get put out. I'd recommend spraying it with a fire extinguisher if you don't want the fire department to come out.”
Customer: “I can't do that!”
Me: “Why not? Do you not have a fire extinguisher?”
Customer: “No, I do! But I don't want to be liable for damaging the alarm system by putting out the fire!”
Me: “Sir, I’m going to just hang up now and call the fire department. I'd really recommend you go outside and wait for them.”
Customer: “You know, I don't understand why you think this is such a big deal, young lady!”
Extremely loud guy with group of friends: If you feed a chicken some chicken, it's called forced cannibalism and is technically animal cruelty.
Taller, quieter guy: Why is it animal cruelty?
Extremely loud guy: If a species eats its own species, it will get something called a prion disease. It's a degenerative brain thing most often, that's where mad cow disease came from. It's also why you're not supposed to eat people. It's not just because it'd be a dick move, you'd go crazy and probably eat more people. By the way, if you ever kill someone and want to kind of get away with it, eat them. You'll get off on an insanity plea because of the prion disease.
Boyfriend: That is the point.
(Home Security | Kansas City, MO, USA)
Me: “Thank you for calling [security services].”
Customer: “My keypad keeps beeping and saying low battery. What does that mean?”
(I run through some basic troubleshooting. After about 10 minutes, we still can’t find the problem.)
Me: “Well, sir, I'm not exactly sure why your system is doing this. I'll be happy to send a technician out there for you.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?”
Me: “Yes, sir. That is really bad. Do you want me to call the fire department?”
Customer: “Oh, no. I don't think that's necessary, do you?”
Me: “Well, the fire may spread up the wall if it doesn't get put out. I'd recommend spraying it with a fire extinguisher if you don't want the fire department to come out.”
Customer: “I can't do that!”
Me: “Why not? Do you not have a fire extinguisher?”
Customer: “No, I do! But I don't want to be liable for damaging the alarm system by putting out the fire!”
Me: “Sir, I’m going to just hang up now and call the fire department. I'd really recommend you go outside and wait for them.”
Customer: “You know, I don't understand why you think this is such a big deal, young lady!”
Extremely loud guy with group of friends: If you feed a chicken some chicken, it's called forced cannibalism and is technically animal cruelty.
Taller, quieter guy: Why is it animal cruelty?
Extremely loud guy: If a species eats its own species, it will get something called a prion disease. It's a degenerative brain thing most often, that's where mad cow disease came from. It's also why you're not supposed to eat people. It's not just because it'd be a dick move, you'd go crazy and probably eat more people. By the way, if you ever kill someone and want to kind of get away with it, eat them. You'll get off on an insanity plea because of the prion disease.
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